Social networks are ruining my life

I swear -  I’m on social networks like all day, every day, to the point of obsession where I am always touching my phone every few minutes, never missing any post from anyone, even catching up to posts I last saw AND I FREAKING HATE IT. 

Why am I like this? Are you this way too? Always in the know, never disconnected. It’s obsessive, wasteful and it’s exhausting. I guess there is a sense of ego involved - knowing things before everyone else, seeing breaking news as it happens, consuming the newest of new information all at your fingertips, always updated. Then there's also that feeling of pseudo-connection where you feel like one less lonely person by distracting yourself with all these social networks to help you forget that you don't have a cute boy to text… (kidding! kind of). I don’t know how healthy this is (probably not at all), but I think that it’s a major underlying reason why we use social networks as active, feeling,  human beings. That feeling of being a-part-of, of being connected. Only, the irony is that this is not actual human connection. It’s a bubble of mind-trickery and instant gratification. I want friend requests, likes, retweets and DMs in real life, dammit!  

Oh, this sweet, modern world we live in!

Using social networks is a major love/hate relationship for me but without it I don't know what I'd do with myself! They are my little friends throughout the day, my company, my escape. This, however, doesn’t stop me from complaining about them, just like I do about my real friends! 

Facebook :

The Original. I like Facebook because you get a lot of different kinds of information on it – people’s private life stuff/constructions, pictures, videos, articles, links, game scores. Yaaaay-ish!

But, Facebook to me is like going to a Joburg fete. It’s the place you go when there are absolutely no other fun things happening in the city and where you going to bump in to  a lot of annoying teenagers, old classmates, aunties/uncles and randoms - just people who don't interest you and whose lives you don't want necessarily want to know about. Nor do you want them to know too much about yours.

Facebook to me these days is so random and so communal - it’s the last place I go to post anything because I just feel that’s it’s a very public and open space to share things with people that are not necessarily my closest friends.  I mean I use social networks but I also don't want people I never see or hang out with all up in my bizznizz. Having said that, I feel more in control over the people I share things with on other social networks, mostly because those are newer and have a more updated version of people that are in my life. Also, I’m too lazy to go and remove every acquaintance on my long list of Facebook friends when I have other alternatives to use, you know? Facebook a place for the spreading of mass information like, “Oh hey, I’m moving to another country”, rather than day-to-day events “Yo! I saw this pretty sunset I saw today!”

Also, I must just say that in my experience the people who use Facebook as their primary social network are not usually the most cutting edge or interesting people, with the most fascinating or thought-provoking stuff to say/share, thus dulling my experience even more. Shame Facebook, I BEEN over you.

Twitter:

I like to refer to Twitter as the big black hole on the Internet where inspired, great thoughts and ideas go to die. Well, for me anyway.  This is because when I have a thought that I actually like or deem valuable or super cool, I usually tweet it For example: my dream job of being a puppy photographer/Disney songwriter. I almost forgot they were my dreams after tweeting them!!! Tweeting quickly puts one’s thoughts out there and leaves one satisfied. In so doing, your thought seem to be shared, expressed, done. What this does however, is it prevents me from developing and reflecting on the idea, thought or opinion – it just ends up being tweeted and left at that. So for example, if I have an idea for a song or poem and think up a really cool line for it, I tweet that line. But, I never actually get down to writing it somewhere, thinking about it more or developing it even further by writing more lines and completing the idea. Or if I’m feeling frustrated by something, I can quickly just bitch about it in 140 characters or less and feel better, instead of really considering the situation and how I could learn from it or what I could take from it, instead of resorting to the quick fix of complaining about it.

 The idea of instant gratification here is a biggie. Twitter gives me both the comfort and illusion of being heard, even though all I’ve done is wasted a thought on a few hundred people, most of whom are probably not even active on Twitter.  It’s just a guise of expression. See, I told you it’s a deep dark Internet hole! Eventually the idea or thought is forgotten and the potential for its development also dies. 

I have obviously come to realize that Twitter is the wrong platform for these inspired brain farts and opinions on life. But it is a lovely, sticky web for the laziness of thinking and dealing with life, and also for the fear of writing. Two problems I have literally just discovered I have! Haha!  And meh.

Instagram:

Let me not even try to deny it - I love Instagram. It is the most stimulating social network to me. Statuses and information aka hashtags/description and pictures, both of which usually tend to be of a higher quality - literally and figuratively. It’s the best of both worlds.  It’s streamlined, with a focus of higher quality content than any other social networks and I think it’s pushing us in a strong direction in terms of technology, dissemination of information, our individual use of creativity and overall higher standards on the internet. I like it. 

As an individual user however, it’s a freakin stressful situation for me. I never know which of my 250 images I capture of 2 hours of my day I should actually Instagram. I’m always confused about which of those pictures are the best, which most authentically expresses what I want to show people (I always want to keep it real, no lies or fake representations) which do I look the best in (haaa! I know you do it too), how many pictures are too many of the same event, the time frame of posting… (side note : I once had a friend tell me she unfollowed me because #latergrammed too much. Really though?? I enjoy basking in certain moments because sometimes life is THAT good and THAT sacred). Don’t even get me started on choosing a filter! As an active user, I do want to share cool pictures that are of a good quality which will be appreciated by the above-average Instagram user (Yoh, I think I’m fancy huh!). Ensuring this happens though, is clearly a headache in my life. 

In addition, I do find myself doing a lot of eye rolling at the unavoidable culture of self-promotion and ego boosting that I come across on Instagram from including and notwithstanding the repertoire of too many selfies, too much showing off, too many hot bods, constructions vs reality, virtual realities, bling bling, etc etc. Instagram makes all this pretty normal and acceptable, even though I think we can do better as young humans. I do enjoy high-fashion posts, #ootd, Beyonce’s feed (also #bringbadgalririback!), design ideas, behind the scenes of lives and what’s happening in everyday lives, pretty, faraway places, pics of jewelry, wedding dresses and tattoos and of course the real reason I even got Instagram – pictures of baby animals!!!! So, I guess it’s not all bad.  Also, have you ever seen a picture baby hippo?? Just do it.

It’s a complicated and modern world we live in. When there wasn’t Instagram, there were polaroids. When there was no Facebook, there were letters and phone calls. When there was no Twitter, there were more public outbursts, I’m sure. These forms way of communication and expressions have always existed in some shape or form (So, stop blaming the demise of moral society on Facebook, old people). I guess it’s how we navigate through it all that makes the difference. I could never understand people who never ever had Facebook or don’t use any social networks, and I probably still don’t, but I do envy the peace that they have every day. Me, personally, I am going to try and focus on being more present and patient in all moments and maybe chatting up a stranger in the parking lot, or writing with a pen and paper more. Hey, maybe I’ll even scream at the top of my lungs with delight or annoyance in the grocery store. But first, I gotta update all my statuses with this blog post. The blasted irony.

Let me know how you feel about this too!

Peace!

Nafeesa x

P.S Just thought of posting blog posts to people. Like actually in the post. It can be the new blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No? Ok bye.

Ritualize x Spiritualize.

 Haven't blogged in a while! But I have a new laptop and it seems so fresh and so clean that I'm finally inspired!

 So it's the end of Ramadaan for us Muslims - the month in which we fast from sunrise to sunset as a way to strengthen our faith, submit to God and get closer to God. Essentially. It's a time I sincerely enjoy because of the calm, peace, focus and spiritual awareness it brings to my life. Honestly though, it can also be a difficult time for some because of the intense change of lifestyle and the refocusing of priorities it requires. It's also easy for the average young person to become bogged down and even overwhelmed or frustrated by certain types ascribing all sorts of cultural expectations and rights and wrongs to the lives of other Muslims, irrespective of their intents. Sometimes, it also encroaches on my self-identity, mostly because I try to be better than I usually am which can be a struggle. But over the years, I've learned something so super important about this month -  it really is a beautiful and specific time to do your own best to be a better Muslim and a better person,  to enhance your own sense of spirituality and strengthen your own faith.

In the midst of this, we're all trying to be better by fulfilling the ritualistic aspects that our religions requires from us... things like keeping our fasts and looking after our prayers, reading the Quraan more and even other ways of respecting this month of mercy and forgiveness. This in and of itself has many benefits and advantages in the journey to becoming a better Muslim and the worth of establishing these rituals goes without saying. If I must say, I'd say that doing these things - that we sometimes neglect, gives us the feeling of being more connected to God, reminds us and makes us more of aware of what is required from us in our religion and helps us become better at being Muslims. I call these practises 'rituals' but that doesn't take away from the spiritual nature of them.

Speaking about spirituality, I've been thinking that it's all good and well to focus on being better Muslims and people through these rituals, but I think it's just as important to have spiritual, human goals to focus on throughout this month as a fast and easy way to try and heal and change things that are our issues as human beings.

What I mean by this is that we should try and deal with any internal turmoil/secret wars that we have within ourselves. (If you don't know what I'm talking about here, I think maybe you need to live more or your life is perfect and I hate you a little ).  I'm saying put a spotlight on the internal sources of pain, problems, hurt, baggage that you carry. Stare it in the face. A very cool Lady and hero of mine once said, "Marry the darkness, marry what is difficult about your life, bear your struggles close to your heart and  have it be something you are proud of as opposed to something that you are ashamed of". And this is what I mean here too. And this is what I've been trying to do.

 This, coupled with the spiritual growth we experience through the rituals of this month, can only mean good things. If not during this month, then when can we focus on our ghosts...At some point, we have to let go of old issues, because they're old and we're getting old and there are new issues waiting to come into our lives, by nature of our progression, and they deserve a chance to make us suffer too.

 Here are some things I've been working on to overcome in my own life through focus, reflection, writing discussion and prayer during this month:

1) Forgiving the Lady Gaga email writer

I am a Lady Gaga fan - I love the woman passionately and not just on a superficial level, but on a much deeper level of understanding, supporting and appreciating what she actually stands for. I've never been ashamed of this or any other inspirations/loves I have and I probably never will be. So last year, when my journo friend asked me to be interviewed for an article in the Saturday Star as one of Lady Gaga's biggest fans, I was down! Especially since I'd just finished my Master's degree in the meanings of femininity, gender and sexuality created in Lady Gaga's music and videos and thought I could maybe use the article to promote my research. And it was a thrill to be in the newspaper, I wont lie. It was a super fun experience for me. I didn't expect people to make such a big deal about it  especially since it was aesthetically fabricated - I borrowed CDs and posters and all sorts of Lady Gaga stuff from teenagers I know trying to seen like a fanatic fan. I prefer to think of myself as an intellectual fan and be fancy.

Anyway, after that was published, some Muslim person,  from the safety and anonymity of a computer screen, decided to pen and spread an email to the Muslim community to the gist of "Look at this Muslim girl who likes Lady Gaga in the newspaper - Haraam!,  We must protect our girls! Imagine if this was your daughter! Oh the shame!" along with random Quranic verses and Hadith to justify point in a very disjointed way and self-serving way. For a long while, even up till very recently, this really affected me.

I was never embarrassed or ashamed about this ever - I was more angry and frustrated that someone out there in their self-righteousness felt it appropriate to make judgement calls on a percentage of my identity and the on top of that shape the whole shabang to make me an example of a bad kid and even worse, a bad Muslim. I do think others don't like and others do things I don't like but luckily for all of us we are not God. I finally think I'm over this now because I've come to realise that whoever that person is, he is a judgemental freak who wasn't right about the way he perceived and painted me then and is still not right now. So sorry for him. In addition, I am nobody's example of anything. I am just a person living my own life, deciding who to be,  on my own journey - as we all are. Guys, leave people to live their own lives and focus on bettering yourself. Judging others just exposes your fear-based perceptions, self-righteousness and short sightedness. Don't do it. As a modern and aware generation I really think that we have to try and evolve beyond judging others to make ourselves feel better. We should be an ambitious generation, pushing new ideas, creating dopeness.  Anyway,  I finally forgive you,  anonymous-Lady-Gaga-email-writer and I hope you don't do that again to anyone. Unless you're gonna be speaking about yourself, which should be your primary concern - not me or anyone else.           

 

2) Dreams coming in their own time

I've found yet another passion in life  and that's teaching English. It just came to me, I developed a talent for it and I love it. I've also had this strong desire for over the last two years to just get out in to the world, adventure, travel and just be. It's been a legit goal I've had and still have.

So, last year I really went for it and put myself through the strenuous and lengthy process of  applying for a teaching position with an agent. Now here's the weird part - most people who attempt this get a job quick and easy. I've seen it happen to so many people I know. So, I was expecting the same to happen to me. But ooh no, not meee. Through so many applications and interviews, I still couldn't get a job! A little disheartened, I gave myself a break from applying for a few months and decided to start again towards the end of the year. Then something weird happened again. I somehow managed an interview at DSTV -the company that I always planned on working for one day. Not only that, but after a process of interviews I eventually got the freaking job. Not an internship, but a proper job in broadcast media. The long term dream! I was like whaaaatishappeninglife!

I won't lie, the day I got the call to say I got the job, I sobbed and sobbed, obviously not the natural reaction, just because I was so sad to put travel plans on hold again and now pretend to be an adult - not what I wanted. I was just like why why why am I not getting what I wanted and why are my efforts always being met with disappointment.  I ended up taking the job because it was an opportunity I didn't think I should miss and so far it's been really great and I'm thankful to have it. I really do believe that everything happened for a reason and what's meant for you will come to you in its perfect and divine time. And this is what I have learnt and accepted -you can't force what you want to happen when you want it to happen but sometimes you just have to submit to the will and plan of God who knows your heart and knows what's best for you. Travelling is not what's in my plan right now and that's cool. And that's the peace I've made, although, still believing and aiming to travel in the near future. Don't know how or where or when, but I know a way will be made for this and all my dreams.

A fellow teacher at WITS told me the other day that he overheard me speaking to someone about my plans and motivation to travel and teach and because of that he decided he it was something he also wanted to do. So he applied and he is off to China in a few weeks. Cause of me and my big mouth. Which ended up being a good thing for someone else so that's good.

3) Appreciating my people

My twin sister has decided to leave me all alone with my crazy parents and go ahead and get her self married. I'm so happy for her and for her dreams becoming a reality and for the awesome step she's about to take in life. She gets married in October and as the time nears, I'm all of a sudden getting very sentimental and stuff, thinking this is the last Ramadaan/Eid she's going to spend with us even to the point of  ohmygosh this is the last 1st of August she'll be staying with us ever. It's silly and dramatic but I'm really going to miss her. She's been my best friend all these years and I've only realised it now.  I find myself being very overly compassionate, considerate open and good to her, knowing that she's moving out. My way of compensating for the fact that she'll be gone soon I guess.

And I realised that this is the way I should be living and treating everyone I love on a day to day basis, just because I love them and not for any specific reason. In drawing parallels with marriage and leaving, the thought of death comes up (maybe just in this context, maybe not haha) because I realise that people I love can leave temporarily and even worse, permanently. Its so important to appreciate each other, especially your family, because life is short and ever-changing. I realised in this month because of my sentimentality with my sister,  that I need to be treating my family like gold, and not only in certain circumstances, but every single day. I need to love them openly, be compassionate and forgiving, share myself authentically, do anything to be of service to them and appreciate them for who they are right now and not who I think they should be. I want to do all this irrespective of how different we are, of how we sometimes don't understand each other, of how I hold things against them and of how their limitations in life affect my free spirit. Irrespective of my perceptions, I am going to appreciate my loved ones everyday. I know that they treasure me and love me unconditionally and I know that they will do anything for me - because I see it everyday but mostly don't realise its real worth and meaning because I am too busy getting in my own way. I am blessed to have them and they deserve to know it.

 

 

 

 So those are my stories. These are things that month of Ramadaan has shown me and I am glad to be changing and progressing. I don't know where all that honesty came from but I thank you for being the ear to my inside voice.

How was your Ramadaan/life this month? Did you put any of your ghosts to bed? Holla back at me in the comments section so I don't seem like a weirdo.

Hope Ramadaan has been amazing for all the Muslims reading this. May all your prayers be answered and hope you all have a wonderful Eid :)

Nx

Say CHEESE...CAKE!

I am so excited to write this post about some of my favourite people ever. Everyone really needs to get a familiar with the with this group of tall and handsome (mostly :P) comedian-best-friend-roommates, affectionately known as CHEESECAKE.

Cheesecake is a collaborative group of four young comedians, Simmi Areff, Lazola  Gola, Robby Collins and Mojak Lehoko.  Each comic is successful and established in his own right, but together, they bring a certain chemistry, magic and brotherhood to comedy that is really something exceptional. Besides being some of the coolest individuals I have ever met,  they are each so unique and fresh in their comedy design. Their comedy is honest, sharp and edgy, and they each have their own style of delivery drawn out from their individual personalties.

Their bond as Cheesecake is based on a shared passion for comedy and a mutual love and respect for each other, but more definitively, exists as they are each forward-thinkers who understand the art of comedy and who have the courage to go after their dreams HARD. What better way to do it than with your best friends, right? They have cultivated this new, exciting tone in comedy that is distinctive and authentic, and completely self-created. Their flavour will get you addicted and soon you’ll find yourself following them on Twitter (@simmiareff, @LazGola, @mojaklehoko,@RobbyCollns08). And in real life, just to hang out with them (They live on Korea road). Though they may run away from you.

In line with their progressive nature, the boys have started much needed a comedy gig every Tuesday at Kitchener’s in Braamfontein called 'New Material Night' where they and other invited comics try out new material every week. There is a raucous, fun, crazy atmosphere at Kitcheners where you will see comics at their best and worst, but you will definitely walk away satisfied. It may even be the highlight of your week. (Probably.) Check out the video below to see what goes down at Kitcheners on a Tuesday night! Also shout put to the girl with the amazing laugh in the start of the video.

Cheesecake sometime transform into a music group called Ride or Die. As if comedic talent wasn’t enough, they produce, write and rap on their own tracks, very reminiscent of old school hip hop/early N.E.R.D. I’m even featured on one called “Sleez is the New Swag”. Have a listen to some of the tracks and spread the music around J Here are the links:

Sleez is the New Swag à http://www.hulkshare.com/uj7tonkp1r8y

Bitches Love Biscuits à  http://www.hulkshare.com/8ovkikuj1gb9

Don’t Buy City Press à http://www.hulkshare.com/0dn3r8r4ep31

Cheesecake are HILARIOUS. These guys are all so ambitious and passionate and have the talent and drive to back it up - I can’t wait to see what their future’s hold!

Don’t forget to go through to Kitcheners every Tuesday night for comedy! It’s at 5 De Beer Street, Braamfontein, starts at 9 and damage is 20 bucks! Take all your friends and spread the word! Get in there before it blows up so much that there won’t be any space for you and all your friends and you'll be turned away because the party is THAT crazy. Don’t say I didn’t put you on!

Have you seen Cheesecake perform? What do you think of them?

Please comment and share this post. Young, legit South African talent deserves it  J

Peace and stuff!

Nx

Islam and Cities

I love knowledge so I must love cities. Cities are places where people come together. People who are  full of ideas. Sharing ideas pushes thought forward; thought translates into actions and events which stimulate further thought. This is one of the reasons I think that being born in Joburg has been a huge blessing. People from all over South Africa, Africa and the world end up here sharing their thoughts and ideas, enriching my life by merely existing and expressing themselves in this concentrated environment which is the city.

As Muslims we have a duty to examine the world around us; we are to marvel at its complexities but also recognize and understand it. How many of us take the time to marvel at the urban environment that surrounds us and think about what makes it work? What is it working towards, who decides its direction, its future, its priorities. In this last question I find a close tie between cities and politics.

Here's a piece I came across in Ahmad Farid Moustapha's, "Islamic Values in Contemporary Urbanism": 

"When Mawlay Idris decided to build the city of Fas (Fez) in northern Africa (Morocco), having sketched the ground-plan of the city and before construction got underway, he recited the following prayer:

"O my Lord! You know that I do not intend by building this to gain

pride or to show off; nor do I intend hypocrisy, or reputation, or

arrogance. But I want You to be worshipped in it, Your laws, limits

and the principles of Your Qur'an and the guidance of Your Prophet to

be upheld in it, as long as this world exists. Almighty, help its

dwellings to do righteousness and guide them to fulfill that.

Almighty, prevent them from the evil of their enemies, bestow Your

bounties upon them and protect them from the sword of evil. You are

able to do all things." 

       

 There are cities in this world that have people as their highest priority. Corutiba for instance shuts down its busiest road once a week and rolls out massive rolls of paper that children from the city are free to go colour on. Their city is designed for people. Makkah is designed for the worship of Allah, one could argue: the city is built around the Kaabah, all development that takes place is done with the understanding that people that come to Makkah come to see the Kaabah and worship Allah. Dubai is a commercial centre, it has little to offer once the oil runs out and so all profits from the oil are being invested into tourist attractions. Qatar is the same with its gas reserves being converted into modern art museums (2) . The intentions that drive cities fascinates me - it's where values meet the real world and in their expression lives are shaped and determined.

Johannesburg is the city of Gold… most people that live here do so for that reason til this day, well cash/jobs not really gold anymore. What does that mean for the quality of life? I’m sure we have engaged in conversation about the quality of life in Cape Town versus Joburg and how that impacts on people. 

Have we asked how our city impacts on our Islam or how our Islam impacts on it?