If I ever wrote a self-help book...

It would contain many expletives. I keeps it real. Here is the potential cover and title as well as a breakdown of chapters:

Please note: F=Fuck

(Sorry)

 

Chapter 1: F everyone.

This chapter is about designing ones psyche to be able to easily tell people to F off. F people and do whatever the F you want to do with your life and time because that shit is damn precious and can't afford to be wasted. Be free, happy and filled with joy and do whatever the F you need to do to feel that way. F a hater. Haters gonna hate. Don't let people's own personal limitations about life become your beliefs about your life. Do whatever you want to do to be happy. (Don’t kill anyone though. And try not to hurt people either.)

Chapter 2: Drop bullshit like it’s hot

Here, we delve into the mind in order to understand how not to stand for bullshit. Don’t stand for muthaf-in bullshit ever. If something does not sit right with you, if something is causing you unhappiness and you can’t find a resolution (like when someone irritates or annoys you badly, or if someone is constantly judgemental and small minded in their attitude), drop that muthaf-in shit like it’s hot. This is how you actively endeavour to not stand for bullshit. You can only ever control your own self - and trying to control people or impose your will on them is just a pointless and wasteful effort. Get away from people and situatations that perpetuate what you consider to be bullshit and do something else with your time. Like spending time with people or in situations who that the opposite of bullshit and that inspire and uplift. Your peace and state of mind is more important than any bullshit person or situation. Just saying.

Chapter 3: Be one selective ass bitch!

In this chapter, we shall seek to let the light into our lives by learning to be selective as shit. This means always choose the F-ing utmost best for yourself in all circumstances, especially in terms of who you hang out with and who you share your time with. Be in full and conscious control of YOUR life and your actions, and where you go and where you don’t go. Make the best decisions for yourself depending on your needs and also depending on the kind of person you dream about becoming (I’m hoping you want to be a good and extraordinary person. If not, its cool too). Sometimes you gotta be like “Yo, F other people, I need to put myself first.” This is not necessarily a selfish thing to do but rather it is an act of self-love and self-respect - if you do it right. You don’t have to be miserable or forced to do/be what you don’t want. Roll alone rather than roll with a-holes or energy suckers or self-obsessed people or anyone negative.

Chapter 4: Inspiration is the shit dreams are made of

This chapter will teach you to guide yourself not to do things unless they excite you thoroughly and fill you with joy. Basically, don’t waste your time. Don’t move unless you are inspired to. Inspiration is something godsend and is my favourite feeling in the word. It’s a powerful force that fills you with joy, empowerment, bliss and hope. You have to act on what inspires you, what touches you, what moves you. You have to take it as a message from above that you are on the right path. Being inspired by something is a gift and it feels sublime as F and because of this, it is so important to respect it. So be inspired, be free to love what also wants you to love it. Make plans if you are inspired enough and believe that that shit will come true. Because it just F-ing might. If one dope thing is possible, then every dope thing is possible. Be open to inspiration and believe in your damn self. Hard.

Chapter 5: Shine bright, bitch

This means do you. That means be yourself. In exploring this concept deeper, it actually means F your mediocre ass, scared self, and rather be the best best best version of yourself (This may be an Oprah phrase, although sincerely coming from me). Shining bright should be your norm. Thus, you need to strongly commit (despite fear) to doing things that are a little crazy and that you only dream of when you are alone and safe in your bedroom. Things that will help you grow into who you ideally want to be and things that will challenge you to be more than who you are. You really really really need to work on your hustle to become who you need to be in order to live your dreams. And you best believe that fulfilled dreams and amazing things don’t come to scared, mediocre, doubtful people who hide in the shadows of what they desire. Prioritise being wise, free, whole, enough, harmonious, strong, positive and believing (and the like) over all else. Shine bright, bitch. You can.

(Beyonce's poem to Frank Ocean on his bi-sexuality)

Chapter 6: Give thanks F-ed up.

Probably the most important chapter – training yourself to always give thanks. You just have to be grateful if you want to be baller in life. You have to be grateful especially because sometimes you are lacking in the things you want, but if you look closer and from another perspective, there are probably countless times when you actually have the things you want, but you’re too busy being ungrateful to notice. Being a spoilt brat....never that. You are looked after a power bigger than you, who loves you, who wants the best for you, who knows you and who hears you. Gratitude is the shit because it brings you more. Appreciate all the good and bad that’s in your life because it is put their on purpose by the hand of ultimate divine power. Which means it’s pretty much perfect as it is. Don’t get sucked in by a bad situation and have that ruin all the amazing things you have in your life. You are an abundant mutha-f-er and this is undeniable. So stop complaining and rather stop and realise what you have to be grateful for. Everyone definitely has something.  

Looking for a publisher. HOLLERRRRRR! :)

Nx

Post '94 - Racism

Just got home from a speech contest at St John's, a predominantly white, private school and it left me thinking about race.

I attended the school and, in retrospect, I believe that my experiences were similar to what I experienced tonight although I couldn't recognise it back then.

There is still a racism.

It is not blatant and a part of me thinks (and hopes) that it is not intentional. It got me thinking about my own behaviours around race too.

St John's is a liberal school with teachers and students all moving forward with the idea of equality for all, as they should. The school's policies and rhetoric are transformational - in that the white elite is slowly being replaced by a black elite - but that's a separate issue. There are more and more non-white students in the school every year, more and more non-white parents on various boards and committees and from the outside you'd say that the pace may be slow but things are on track.

However, I believe that there's a deeply disturbing racism and it has affected me directly. It might be affecting younger generations who are unaware of it and I'm hoping that this could start a conversation to better understand the issue and start a process of change. My younger brother being part of this younger generation was the reason I was at the speech contest and also the reason I am motivated to re-examine my experiences at the school.

My understanding/perception/experience:

The racism at St John's stems not from the conscious thinking that the non-white student is of less value due to his skin colour. Instead teachers interact in a subtly different way with students because the different skin colour represents that the student comes from (and belongs to) a different world, a world that the teacher does not understand, but more potently, a world that is not relevant to him.

The comments from the adjudicator on the speeches of the white students were to do with their progress as speakers over time. Their development as people and leaders mattered to the adjudicator because they are people in, and future leaders of, his world. The students who don't fit into his world are entitled to his feedback, but only in an immediate sense, in the short-term, after which they will be irrelevant to him and likely to never feature again.

A part of me understands this separateness of worlds. The white kids are the kids of the adjudicator's classmates, his in-laws, work colleagues, they may end up marrying his daughter. This or some or other connection that makes them relate-able, makes them relevant. Whereas the non-whites are irrelevant beyond the speech contest. Their long-term futures aren't going to impact his life.

The reality is that, post-Apartheid, worlds are colliding and becoming ever more integrated and the perception that there is still a separateness (mis-)guides thinking. The psychological legacy of Apartheid and of colonialism is that we allow ourselves to think that our world can be separate from the world of someone else.

When I was at St John's I was asked about my plans after school by only one teacher, and that was done as a matter of curiousity rather than concern. I now despise the very notion that their are people in our lives who feel no need to invest in ours. How different would my world have been if  my teachers believed that my future would impact their future? How can the white man learn Ubuntu? And, perhaps more importantly, how can we keep ourselves in check to make sure that we are not falling victim to the same trap?

I suspect that a similar thing is happening between Indian Muslim teachers and black Muslim students in Muslim schools. I think that I am guilty of not attempting to relate to the poorer members of society I encounter, to the foreigners whose futures are not directly tied to my own and even to my white co-workers. Can I teach myself Ubuntu?

Things that can be drawn from this: 

• You can send your kids to fancy provate schools, they will receive an excellent intellectual education but not build a network of people who are concerned about their long-term well-being.

• Evaluate your own life. Are there people that you encounter and treat differently because they are not a part of your perceived world? 

So...this MSA thing

The MSA is not going to change the world.

The MSA is not going to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hedonism, hunger or youth apathy.

The MSA is not going to make you a perfect Muslim.

The MSA does not make the use of a Miswaak compulsory.

The MSA is not going to give you ultimate truth.

The MSA does not give free Zam-Zam shots at parties.

The MSA is not perfectly guided from on high.

The MSA is not where you'll meet your future spouse.

The MSA is not the only worthwhile organisation.

The MSA is a good place to meet good people and do good things. It's also a good way to feel good about yourself because you'll be one of the people making a difference in the world instead of standing on the sidelines moaning like a yak. 

Wanna see what it's really about? Come to the camp.

The Problems I'm Having with my Academic Research

Personality
According to the most recent personality tests I've done I have an extroverted "A-type" personality. Great for social situations, leadership roles and the like, but absolutely the worst thing possible when it comes to solitary projects like research. I thrive under conditions of social pressure where I have to perform to please other people or fulfill their needs. These situations grant me social recognition. I thrive on social recognition. Criticize this if you want, tell me that I should live to make myself happy and not care what others think but the reality is that through my upbringing, or nature, this is how I am. I have tried to rationalize my way out of this. I can build perfectly rational, valid arguments for completing my research in order to gain my Masters, make the last 3 years of my life count for 3 very socially significant letters behind my name but despite this I cannot seem to motivate myself to actually get on with the work. Perhaps it is due to the other factors I'm about to write about at 1am on this Saturday morning.

Support
Being socially motivated and in an age of gross access to social networks through the blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram I am accustomed to immediate social feedback and recognition. This has it's advantages for promoting ideas at a simple and superficial level but when long, in depth ideas need to be processed the networks I access can't be bothered. There is too much context that needs to be provided and 140 characters, a clever picture, update or caption ca't do the trick. If I need social attention to perform and society can't be bothered to try understand my ideas then I am at a performance loss. There should be a select few who do try to understand - the social support system designed for researchers, supervisors, seminars, reading groups, classmates and the like but due to a less than fortunate set of circumstances this system has failed me.

Don't Try to Change the World

Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Every research book, supervisor, family member, friend and colleague I've spoken to has said that I need to get my research done and move on with life. I cannot reconcile these viewpoints. I don't think that my research can change the world, I know it. Not in a revolutionary, radical sense but in an incremental, gradual way I believe that every piece of work, every hour of effort either contributes to the problem or the solution.

The problem is the politics of academia - more specifically, discourse. I, as others, recognise that there is a definite dominance in academia of ideas that are Eurocentric. As Europe colonised the world, it's ideas came with it. Not a problem if you agree with the underlying assumptions of European thinking, but a huge problem if you don't. Fortunately this age of post-modernism recognises that academia, ideas, are socially based, that assumptions about ideas and their frameworks are not universal and that their specific contexts need to be expanded upon. This, for me is where I see my research contributing to the solution rather than the problem. I can, as most of colleagues do, carry on with the assumptions handed down to me (specifically the epistemological ones) and carry out a nice, neat little research project with set methodologies that are tried, tested and accepted; however, I know within me that the reason ideas are not moving forward is because the way in which we address problems is the same as it has been for about a hundred years. The same assumptions are assumed expecting different results (insert Einstein's famous quote which I'm sure you're familiar with).

But is there an alternative?

Most would say no. The thinking is that the dominant is the only. Very few can see out of the what is dominant. It is only due to the fact that I was raised in both the dominant, Western academic sphere, while simultaneously having access to an entirely different epistemology, metaphysics, discourse provided by my religion that I can clearly see two distinct approaches to a problem. I would argue strongly that I am not guilty of a religious bias as I am aware that there are other marginalised viewpoints that have equal claim to posing an alternative, I wish to explore Islam as it is what I am familiar with. True multi-culturalism and diversity can only come through all ideas being allowed to play on an equal footing but this is not happening in academic space.

There is a power relationship, a politics, within academia. Ideas that are alternative, that question the norm cannot take hold, cannot flourish because ideas are not valued intrinsically but they are valued based on the lineage they come from - who are you referencing, what have previous authors written about this topic, what is your theoretical framework - are all questions that work within a specific framework but not when you're critiquing the framework itself. 

Well the last part is not entirely true. There are alternative writers on whom I should draw but I feel completely under-equipped to do this. Critique involves understanding the dominant, then understanding the counter to it and incorporating the two into something coherent and compelling. Twice the task of accepting the dominant, understanding and adding to it. Not to mention that your supervisor will tackle your every point rather than assisting you in the process and that your social support system just wants you to get the research done so that you can move on with your life.

I also take exception to the way that research is meant to take place. The student, after being taught the basic principles of her discipline (which I'm not entirely sure that I got), then identifies a problem, designs a research method, investigates and proposes solutions to this problem. This is abstract, it is not based in the real world, it is individualistic (why can't I accept that I excel in problem identification and work with a partner who is excellent at literature reviews for instance?), it does not encourage participation or real involvement in addressing the problem (as this would require longer than your designated 8 months and minimal training). Some of these things can be challenged but once again the opportunity to challenge is put on the table without encouragement. New methodologies can be put forward and utilised but without having to defend them with twice the vigour. Maybe I need to be stronger or smarter in order to challenge the system but the odds are stacked against me.

I want to give up. I want to say that the last three years were not a waste. That I learnt things despite the fact that I could not get my act together to finish my research report and that the 3 letters behind my name are given a value by a society that would not see past it and live content but I can't. My parents have invested a lot in these three letters. It is expected of me to get them. I should put aside my gross feelings of discontent, hand something in and smile on my graduation day.

The Commonwealth

How is the Commonwealth even pretending to be relavant?

This was my initial reaction when learning that they had partnered with Common Purpose and INTO in hosting the CSC Leaders Conference I'm currently attending. Fortunately the first session after intro's and the like was aimed to answer this very question.*

Lindiwe Maseko, ex-Treasurer of the Commonwealth Parliamentary Association (CPA) Africa Region - current Chairperson of Commonwealth Africa Region set out to convince a room full of skeptics that there is still some value in the "Commonwealth" brand. (Mentioning her name could be construed to go against the Chatham House Rule...but it's been advertised that she addressed us and what follows are my own reflections based on the conversations that took place)

If you need to know what the Commonwealth is check Wikipedia. For my purposes it is sufficient to state that it's an international body that have, in common, the fact that they were all British colonies. Of course, post-colonialism, we'd want to rid ourselves of all such institutions no? Well, apparently not.

Two possible reasons why it still exists:
1. So that the colonial powers can still exercise some control. From what was said it does seem like the Commonwealth (through it's functions like the CPA) does try get all governments to play nice liberal-democracy politics with each other. I'm assuming that pressure is exerted through mechanisms like aid provision and when someone doesn't play nice (like Zimbabwe) tensions arise and someone no longer gets to call themselves High Commissioners, but Ambassadors instead.

2. Common pasts = common futures. Would be nice if this was true but the only thing in common is the British colonies thing and Britain colonized most of the world so it leaves us with a great variety of experiences unless we all want to compare the architecture of our post-offices. To add to it Mozambique and Rwanda have recently joined the Commonwealth and they were colonized by Frenchies so there goes that.

So, how is the Commonwealth relevant?
It basically isn't...but...it exists and what most people have come to accept is that it takes a lot of money, influence, many meetings and private jets to get international bodies into existence so for practical reasons it's easier to try and get these to do what you need rather than kill them and start a new one.

It's not perfect, but it's pragmatic and a pill that I can swallow.

The task is then to make the Commonwealth do what we need it to rather than just have it as another platform for the developed nations to bully the underdeveloped and from what I heard today I think there is the possibility of this happening depending on the importance underdeveloped countries give the body. So essentially it's there and if you use it you can benefit and change it to serve future generations better and if not it will probably keep going as it has for the last 99 years or something ridiculous like that.

There may be a strategic importance of having a strong voice in established international bodies like the Commonwealth so that you can use it to leverage for some sort of international justice. It would sound pretty powerful to say that the Commonwealth nations condemn Israel's attacks on Gaza and oppression of the Palestinian people and if that could pressure the real players to do the right thing towards ending it but in International Relations discussions "pressure" means little to everything so God knows best where that will take us, at least it's another avenue. (who am I kidding, if it didn't affect Zimbabwe, Israel will dust it off it's shoulder and keep walking...I mean settling i.e. invading)

I learnt other things in the process of the discussion: stay out of debt, sometimes you may have to chose between changing the world and your personal life, and struggle vets valued knowledge just couldn't pursue it...yet they're well educated...this furthers my argument that universities are horrible places for learning.

Peace

*Disclaimer: I'm no International Relations student, my knowledge on these matters is limited, I should probably do more research before writing but this immediate expression is for the purposes of capturing my thoughts rather than educating any masses (including and especially whales).

The Invitation...

Waddup!

I came across this....It really spoke to me so I thought I’d share. Let me know if you feel it J

N x

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,

For your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

If you have been opened by life's betrayals or

Have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own;

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you

To the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,

Be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can see beauty

Even when it is not pretty every day,

And if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,

And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have,

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

Weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came here,

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the Fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away,

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, And if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder.