Thinking

I think I think too much, and while I've heard many claim that their thinking is more thinking than should be thought, I've thought about and think that my thinking would out think the thoughtiest of thinkers. 

My thinking is based on a need to think coupled with the desire to know thoughts and have thought them in and of themselves, whereas others think they need to think their thoughts in order to claim they have thought. 

But I cannot access the thoughts of any thinkers but myself except through that which they produce and hence the real thoughtful are the doers for their thoughts can be known.

My (Our) Hip-Hop Tribute to Being Indian

Don't you wanna help me write a song about how great it is to be Indian?

I'm really into this Mackelmore guy right now, conscious hip-hop music with punchlines and he's creating a new, different path towards industry success (away from major labels) with a really cool homie of his, Ryan Lewis who also seems mad creative and hard-working.

I watched one of his songs that's about being Irish. It describes and celebrates a part of his history so well that it made me proud to be Irish.

This type of description and celebration is something I think every identity should enjoy. 

Being Indian isn't the most important part of my identity but it's a part that I haven't fully come to terms with. Perhaps in an attempt to go completely reverse the divisions created by Apartheid my family has downplayed it somewhat. I think it shapes me in ways I'm yet to fully understand or explore, but it is a part of me.

I thought I would explore it by writing a song similar to Mackelmore's and started jotting down some lyrics and concepts that might provide content for a couple of verses and a hook (that's all you need for a song right?...well maybe a beat, and singers, and people with the ability to say words in catchy ways...think they're called rappers...but we can worry about those later).

I need your help though. I'm short on free time and I don't know all that much about Indian-ness so I thought we could try crowd-source lyrics to a hip-hop song describing and celebrating this part of our identities. (Not assuming everyone that reads this is Indian but maybe the non-Indians feel Indian or have some Indian-ness in them that they wanna contribute)

This is what I have so far...concepts...lyrics...we'll figure it out later...esp number of syllables to actually make it fit a beat:

The only genuinely cool Indian people are Sachin Tendulkar and Aziz Ansari, 
tired of tired white-people jokes about eating biryani.

Family is important to us, cousin just born, grandad being buried. 

Question on every aunties lips, "betha when you getting married?"

I'm an Indian, some Pakistani, 

the history's complicated I might be Bengali. 

The stretch marks on my skin,

I call them my tiger stripes,

cause I was meant to be real skinny,

but my ambitions put up a tiger fight.

Examine the context South African, rainbow nation, Jozi born and bred. 

Glad to be able to walk around without being called a towel head. 

We love our food too but be careful when you chew. 
Elachi speed traps could easily be the end of you. 

If I ever wrote a self-help book...

It would contain many expletives. I keeps it real. Here is the potential cover and title as well as a breakdown of chapters:

Please note: F=Fuck

(Sorry)

 

Chapter 1: F everyone.

This chapter is about designing ones psyche to be able to easily tell people to F off. F people and do whatever the F you want to do with your life and time because that shit is damn precious and can't afford to be wasted. Be free, happy and filled with joy and do whatever the F you need to do to feel that way. F a hater. Haters gonna hate. Don't let people's own personal limitations about life become your beliefs about your life. Do whatever you want to do to be happy. (Don’t kill anyone though. And try not to hurt people either.)

Chapter 2: Drop bullshit like it’s hot

Here, we delve into the mind in order to understand how not to stand for bullshit. Don’t stand for muthaf-in bullshit ever. If something does not sit right with you, if something is causing you unhappiness and you can’t find a resolution (like when someone irritates or annoys you badly, or if someone is constantly judgemental and small minded in their attitude), drop that muthaf-in shit like it’s hot. This is how you actively endeavour to not stand for bullshit. You can only ever control your own self - and trying to control people or impose your will on them is just a pointless and wasteful effort. Get away from people and situatations that perpetuate what you consider to be bullshit and do something else with your time. Like spending time with people or in situations who that the opposite of bullshit and that inspire and uplift. Your peace and state of mind is more important than any bullshit person or situation. Just saying.

Chapter 3: Be one selective ass bitch!

In this chapter, we shall seek to let the light into our lives by learning to be selective as shit. This means always choose the F-ing utmost best for yourself in all circumstances, especially in terms of who you hang out with and who you share your time with. Be in full and conscious control of YOUR life and your actions, and where you go and where you don’t go. Make the best decisions for yourself depending on your needs and also depending on the kind of person you dream about becoming (I’m hoping you want to be a good and extraordinary person. If not, its cool too). Sometimes you gotta be like “Yo, F other people, I need to put myself first.” This is not necessarily a selfish thing to do but rather it is an act of self-love and self-respect - if you do it right. You don’t have to be miserable or forced to do/be what you don’t want. Roll alone rather than roll with a-holes or energy suckers or self-obsessed people or anyone negative.

Chapter 4: Inspiration is the shit dreams are made of

This chapter will teach you to guide yourself not to do things unless they excite you thoroughly and fill you with joy. Basically, don’t waste your time. Don’t move unless you are inspired to. Inspiration is something godsend and is my favourite feeling in the word. It’s a powerful force that fills you with joy, empowerment, bliss and hope. You have to act on what inspires you, what touches you, what moves you. You have to take it as a message from above that you are on the right path. Being inspired by something is a gift and it feels sublime as F and because of this, it is so important to respect it. So be inspired, be free to love what also wants you to love it. Make plans if you are inspired enough and believe that that shit will come true. Because it just F-ing might. If one dope thing is possible, then every dope thing is possible. Be open to inspiration and believe in your damn self. Hard.

Chapter 5: Shine bright, bitch

This means do you. That means be yourself. In exploring this concept deeper, it actually means F your mediocre ass, scared self, and rather be the best best best version of yourself (This may be an Oprah phrase, although sincerely coming from me). Shining bright should be your norm. Thus, you need to strongly commit (despite fear) to doing things that are a little crazy and that you only dream of when you are alone and safe in your bedroom. Things that will help you grow into who you ideally want to be and things that will challenge you to be more than who you are. You really really really need to work on your hustle to become who you need to be in order to live your dreams. And you best believe that fulfilled dreams and amazing things don’t come to scared, mediocre, doubtful people who hide in the shadows of what they desire. Prioritise being wise, free, whole, enough, harmonious, strong, positive and believing (and the like) over all else. Shine bright, bitch. You can.

(Beyonce's poem to Frank Ocean on his bi-sexuality)

Chapter 6: Give thanks F-ed up.

Probably the most important chapter – training yourself to always give thanks. You just have to be grateful if you want to be baller in life. You have to be grateful especially because sometimes you are lacking in the things you want, but if you look closer and from another perspective, there are probably countless times when you actually have the things you want, but you’re too busy being ungrateful to notice. Being a spoilt brat....never that. You are looked after a power bigger than you, who loves you, who wants the best for you, who knows you and who hears you. Gratitude is the shit because it brings you more. Appreciate all the good and bad that’s in your life because it is put their on purpose by the hand of ultimate divine power. Which means it’s pretty much perfect as it is. Don’t get sucked in by a bad situation and have that ruin all the amazing things you have in your life. You are an abundant mutha-f-er and this is undeniable. So stop complaining and rather stop and realise what you have to be grateful for. Everyone definitely has something.  

Looking for a publisher. HOLLERRRRRR! :)

Nx

Post '94 - Racism

Just got home from a speech contest at St John's, a predominantly white, private school and it left me thinking about race.

I attended the school and, in retrospect, I believe that my experiences were similar to what I experienced tonight although I couldn't recognise it back then.

There is still a racism.

It is not blatant and a part of me thinks (and hopes) that it is not intentional. It got me thinking about my own behaviours around race too.

St John's is a liberal school with teachers and students all moving forward with the idea of equality for all, as they should. The school's policies and rhetoric are transformational - in that the white elite is slowly being replaced by a black elite - but that's a separate issue. There are more and more non-white students in the school every year, more and more non-white parents on various boards and committees and from the outside you'd say that the pace may be slow but things are on track.

However, I believe that there's a deeply disturbing racism and it has affected me directly. It might be affecting younger generations who are unaware of it and I'm hoping that this could start a conversation to better understand the issue and start a process of change. My younger brother being part of this younger generation was the reason I was at the speech contest and also the reason I am motivated to re-examine my experiences at the school.

My understanding/perception/experience:

The racism at St John's stems not from the conscious thinking that the non-white student is of less value due to his skin colour. Instead teachers interact in a subtly different way with students because the different skin colour represents that the student comes from (and belongs to) a different world, a world that the teacher does not understand, but more potently, a world that is not relevant to him.

The comments from the adjudicator on the speeches of the white students were to do with their progress as speakers over time. Their development as people and leaders mattered to the adjudicator because they are people in, and future leaders of, his world. The students who don't fit into his world are entitled to his feedback, but only in an immediate sense, in the short-term, after which they will be irrelevant to him and likely to never feature again.

A part of me understands this separateness of worlds. The white kids are the kids of the adjudicator's classmates, his in-laws, work colleagues, they may end up marrying his daughter. This or some or other connection that makes them relate-able, makes them relevant. Whereas the non-whites are irrelevant beyond the speech contest. Their long-term futures aren't going to impact his life.

The reality is that, post-Apartheid, worlds are colliding and becoming ever more integrated and the perception that there is still a separateness (mis-)guides thinking. The psychological legacy of Apartheid and of colonialism is that we allow ourselves to think that our world can be separate from the world of someone else.

When I was at St John's I was asked about my plans after school by only one teacher, and that was done as a matter of curiousity rather than concern. I now despise the very notion that their are people in our lives who feel no need to invest in ours. How different would my world have been if  my teachers believed that my future would impact their future? How can the white man learn Ubuntu? And, perhaps more importantly, how can we keep ourselves in check to make sure that we are not falling victim to the same trap?

I suspect that a similar thing is happening between Indian Muslim teachers and black Muslim students in Muslim schools. I think that I am guilty of not attempting to relate to the poorer members of society I encounter, to the foreigners whose futures are not directly tied to my own and even to my white co-workers. Can I teach myself Ubuntu?

Things that can be drawn from this: 

• You can send your kids to fancy provate schools, they will receive an excellent intellectual education but not build a network of people who are concerned about their long-term well-being.

• Evaluate your own life. Are there people that you encounter and treat differently because they are not a part of your perceived world? 

So...this MSA thing

The MSA is not going to change the world.

The MSA is not going to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hedonism, hunger or youth apathy.

The MSA is not going to make you a perfect Muslim.

The MSA does not make the use of a Miswaak compulsory.

The MSA is not going to give you ultimate truth.

The MSA does not give free Zam-Zam shots at parties.

The MSA is not perfectly guided from on high.

The MSA is not where you'll meet your future spouse.

The MSA is not the only worthwhile organisation.

The MSA is a good place to meet good people and do good things. It's also a good way to feel good about yourself because you'll be one of the people making a difference in the world instead of standing on the sidelines moaning like a yak. 

Wanna see what it's really about? Come to the camp.

The Problems I'm Having with my Academic Research

Personality
According to the most recent personality tests I've done I have an extroverted "A-type" personality. Great for social situations, leadership roles and the like, but absolutely the worst thing possible when it comes to solitary projects like research. I thrive under conditions of social pressure where I have to perform to please other people or fulfill their needs. These situations grant me social recognition. I thrive on social recognition. Criticize this if you want, tell me that I should live to make myself happy and not care what others think but the reality is that through my upbringing, or nature, this is how I am. I have tried to rationalize my way out of this. I can build perfectly rational, valid arguments for completing my research in order to gain my Masters, make the last 3 years of my life count for 3 very socially significant letters behind my name but despite this I cannot seem to motivate myself to actually get on with the work. Perhaps it is due to the other factors I'm about to write about at 1am on this Saturday morning.

Support
Being socially motivated and in an age of gross access to social networks through the blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram I am accustomed to immediate social feedback and recognition. This has it's advantages for promoting ideas at a simple and superficial level but when long, in depth ideas need to be processed the networks I access can't be bothered. There is too much context that needs to be provided and 140 characters, a clever picture, update or caption ca't do the trick. If I need social attention to perform and society can't be bothered to try understand my ideas then I am at a performance loss. There should be a select few who do try to understand - the social support system designed for researchers, supervisors, seminars, reading groups, classmates and the like but due to a less than fortunate set of circumstances this system has failed me.

Don't Try to Change the World

Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Every research book, supervisor, family member, friend and colleague I've spoken to has said that I need to get my research done and move on with life. I cannot reconcile these viewpoints. I don't think that my research can change the world, I know it. Not in a revolutionary, radical sense but in an incremental, gradual way I believe that every piece of work, every hour of effort either contributes to the problem or the solution.

The problem is the politics of academia - more specifically, discourse. I, as others, recognise that there is a definite dominance in academia of ideas that are Eurocentric. As Europe colonised the world, it's ideas came with it. Not a problem if you agree with the underlying assumptions of European thinking, but a huge problem if you don't. Fortunately this age of post-modernism recognises that academia, ideas, are socially based, that assumptions about ideas and their frameworks are not universal and that their specific contexts need to be expanded upon. This, for me is where I see my research contributing to the solution rather than the problem. I can, as most of colleagues do, carry on with the assumptions handed down to me (specifically the epistemological ones) and carry out a nice, neat little research project with set methodologies that are tried, tested and accepted; however, I know within me that the reason ideas are not moving forward is because the way in which we address problems is the same as it has been for about a hundred years. The same assumptions are assumed expecting different results (insert Einstein's famous quote which I'm sure you're familiar with).

But is there an alternative?

Most would say no. The thinking is that the dominant is the only. Very few can see out of the what is dominant. It is only due to the fact that I was raised in both the dominant, Western academic sphere, while simultaneously having access to an entirely different epistemology, metaphysics, discourse provided by my religion that I can clearly see two distinct approaches to a problem. I would argue strongly that I am not guilty of a religious bias as I am aware that there are other marginalised viewpoints that have equal claim to posing an alternative, I wish to explore Islam as it is what I am familiar with. True multi-culturalism and diversity can only come through all ideas being allowed to play on an equal footing but this is not happening in academic space.

There is a power relationship, a politics, within academia. Ideas that are alternative, that question the norm cannot take hold, cannot flourish because ideas are not valued intrinsically but they are valued based on the lineage they come from - who are you referencing, what have previous authors written about this topic, what is your theoretical framework - are all questions that work within a specific framework but not when you're critiquing the framework itself. 

Well the last part is not entirely true. There are alternative writers on whom I should draw but I feel completely under-equipped to do this. Critique involves understanding the dominant, then understanding the counter to it and incorporating the two into something coherent and compelling. Twice the task of accepting the dominant, understanding and adding to it. Not to mention that your supervisor will tackle your every point rather than assisting you in the process and that your social support system just wants you to get the research done so that you can move on with your life.

I also take exception to the way that research is meant to take place. The student, after being taught the basic principles of her discipline (which I'm not entirely sure that I got), then identifies a problem, designs a research method, investigates and proposes solutions to this problem. This is abstract, it is not based in the real world, it is individualistic (why can't I accept that I excel in problem identification and work with a partner who is excellent at literature reviews for instance?), it does not encourage participation or real involvement in addressing the problem (as this would require longer than your designated 8 months and minimal training). Some of these things can be challenged but once again the opportunity to challenge is put on the table without encouragement. New methodologies can be put forward and utilised but without having to defend them with twice the vigour. Maybe I need to be stronger or smarter in order to challenge the system but the odds are stacked against me.

I want to give up. I want to say that the last three years were not a waste. That I learnt things despite the fact that I could not get my act together to finish my research report and that the 3 letters behind my name are given a value by a society that would not see past it and live content but I can't. My parents have invested a lot in these three letters. It is expected of me to get them. I should put aside my gross feelings of discontent, hand something in and smile on my graduation day.