Music and War

In the spirit of Israeli Apartheid week (I'm slow as a mutha, I know), I just wanted to share this song I wrote and sang on a couple of years ago that still means so much to me to this day. Through the a most random and awesome act of chance, I was granted the opportunity to work on the album Amandla Intifada 2 - an album made by  a group of diverse, young, passionate, creative and inspired artists about our feelings and thoughts on Palestine and was executive produced by the brilliant Jeremy Karodia who has BEEN in the game. It truly was and still is a great joy and honour to have been apart of it and the process of making these songs was one of the legit best times of my life! Music and art is the primary heart language that some of us speak, and to be able to express ourselves in this capacity and on this subject was a for reals true gift.

I honestly wrote this song in 5 minutes - I guess that's what happens when you've got long-standing, secret, subconscious thoughts in your mind! (Welcome to my head!) I always turn numb after processing facts and new information about what is constantly happening in Palestine. I can just never get used it, it's never normalized in my mind - and I think that that is a blessing. It takes me a while to process that is the biggest human rights crisis of our generation. And even more so, a great spiritual crisis of our time. It's so easy to question our Higher power in extreme, unfathomable situations like this - how can people be left to suffer like this, why does it not end, why is there no relief for them, why does God not help them... Its a toughie and it naturally can make you lose a little  bit of faith, if you are inclined to have some in the first place, that is!

You know those days in life where everything seems to just be terrible and horrible?? You're hurt, confused, twisted and used (Song lyrics by arb band : 2012). But then, as if by some miracle, the day starts to change without you even noticing. You find yourself laughing and feeling light. It sneaks up on you and when you go to bed that night, you're shocked at the turn of  events - that everything effortlessly became better for you. Your faith is restored, you're humbled, you're grateful.

This happens to me ALL THE TIME and this is exactly the notion that inspired me to pen these lyrics. That, even in the hardest times where nothing makes sense and life is sickening and cold, we are STILL being looked after by Higher Power. Call it God, the Divine, The Universe - whatever it is to you. I believe that we are all seen by this power and that this power guides, nurtures, heals and controls all things. I pray for everything soul suffering on this planet, in Palestine and beyond. And I am grateful for art and for music and the capacity is has to bring us together and the power it has to express our true feelings.

Please check out the album I am so proud to be apart of here: 

https://soundcloud.com/amandlaintifada

This is the song I wrote and sang on, with the lyrics below: 

https://soundcloud.com/amandlaintifada/palestine-on-my-mind-with

I hope it gives you some sort of the feels!

Peace and love! Xxx

Palestine On My Mind

by Nafeesa Jooma

Tonight there’ll be no lullabies

For the children of the the Holy ground

Just silent desperate prayers

To end the violent sounds

From a far a plague of sadness

Leaves a shadow all across the land

In the darkness, a flower blooms

Rising above the sand

The rebellion is rising

And impossible things come true

You’re the heroes of our time

Though the enemies don’t care for rules

They may take away your history

Try to leave you out in the cold

Palestine you’re on my mind

Through the lies of our time

You’re in my heart and soul

I know that nothing  feels right

When loss becomes your way of life

You feel susceptible to tragedy

But they don’t know you’re true might

You live and you die

With no end  the war

But we never forget, no no

We’re not the only one’s keeping score

The rebellion is rising

And impossible things come true

You’re the heroes of our time

Though the enemies don’t care for rules

They make take away your history

Try to leave you out in the cold

Palestine you’re on my mind

Through the lies of our time

You’re in my heart and soul

They turn you into skin and bones

But you’re faith is not in vain

You resist and so you persist

Embrace this song as yours

The rebellion is rising

And impossible things come true

You’re the heroes of our time

Though the enemies don’t care for rules

They may take away your history

Try to leave you out in the cold

Palestine you’re on my mind

Through the lies of our time

You’re in my heart and soul

What to do when you want to do everything?

I want to do lots of things and this post is me trying to figure out how to do it all, or what to postpone, or what to just cut out all together.

A good starting point would be to have a vision, turn this into a mission statement, projects and action plans with clearly defined, measurable and time sensitive goals. But this really doesn't sound like fun (and sounds too corporate-strategy-like). Instead I turned to Facebook where I came across this:

And it is supposed to help you find your life purpose. I tried filling in the headings (even taking it kinda seriously) but with little success:

That which you LOVE

koeksisters

a good workout

organising events

bringing people together

travelling

my wife

That which the world NEEDS

better men

anti-consumerism

spirituality

just cities

That which can be PAID for

planning

research

teaching English

That which you are GOOD at

organising events

bringing people together

eating koeksisters

I don’t think I’m any closer to my Ikigai. 

The idea of a balanced life appeals to me, one that includes continuous growth mentally, physically and spiritually. Social and financial growth are also important but I think those are more by-products for me than things I would set out to grow. So I turned to Youtube where I found these:

My friends Syed and Kamalio talking about all the things they want to do and learn.

And this other guy talking about all the things to learn:

Those didn’t help direct me in any particular way but at least I got the sense that I wasn’t alone in trying to do so many things. And so I turned to the last hope of internet things, a list-acle. 

A couple of years ago I read a piece on Pharrell's habits for success and thought it interesting because it wasn't the typical habits common to many in the business world. What I liked most about it was that it provided some insights into how one might juggle a life in which you are many things. And I’ve been juggling.

Outside of fellowship hours I've been making some progress on the projects I wanted to take on.

On the AwethuArt front I’ve reached out for help on the website recognising my own shortcomings in web design and graphics. I’m pretty sure the person I’ve reached out to will be able to do a much better job in a fraction of the time and if not then at least I freed up some of my time to think about other things in the meanwhile. I’ve also been looking at some of the next steps for a storytelling event that’s been on my mind for a while. An organisation called The Moth has been organising events where people can come together and share stories for a little while and the need for this within our communities was emphasised when reading Chimamanda Adichie in sessions a couple of weeks ago. I’ve always loved Mayfair and Fordsburg, they’re the suburbs where I grew up going to mosque with my neighbours and bunking mosque to go to McDonald’s and Shell with my neighbours. But the community is fractured. There is so much diversity but instead of drawing benefit from our differences there is rampant misunderstanding. I would like there to be just one night where we come together to listen to each other, the old Somali man, 5th generation South African Indian aunty, Fordsburg Primary School children and whoever else has a story to share. I contacted someone who worked at the venue I want to use to find out how to access it and I’m currently looking for a partner to work on this project with, someone with an equal passion for the suburbs and the stories that come from it who will help me source storytellers and perhaps MC the night while I run logistics.

 

On the teaching-English-to-migrants front there’s some progress. A wonderful partner has come on board in a big way. We met on Saturday and ate samoosas in the Plaza. I’m meeting someone else on Wednesday for a potential venue and other support with community projects based on his years working in the community. I like this project because it draws on a skill I already have, although it needs some brushing up and it has the potential to scale up to help many adults who don’t feel confident in their English skills. When teaching abroad I often reflected at one of my forefathers took the time and effort to learn this difficult and confusing language and as a result I am able to enjoy the benefits of it. I am conflicted though because as English spreads speeds up the extinction of other languages. We hope to give native languages their due respect by having a library that includes books and magazines in native languages to encourage a reading culture in all languages. Reading in your native language is an act of self-preservation. The fact that books aren’t available in languages other than English in local libraries should be seen as it is, an affront to people’s dignity. Having non-English books available to learners goes against what they teach in English-teaching school but it’s our small way of fighting back the neo-post-neo-colonialism.

Just this evening I got off a Skype call with another wonderful partner on the conversations-on-masculinities project. This will likely only start in October allowing me some breathing room but I plan on using this time to try and learn about conversation facilitation (or to find someone to do this instead of me). 

Effective partnering is important not just for efficiency but because it allows me to spend time with people I admire and draw inspiration from. It also allows me to meet new and interesting people and get to know them relatively well in a short space of time exposing me to new worldviews, ways of working, thinking and being. I find that the productive work that needs to get done can be a drag when going at it alone but with someone else it gets done often as a result of a bit of a tennis match where each of us does our bit and puts the ball back in the court of the other until all the steps are complete. 

I think I have the beginnings of a partnership for spiritual growth but I need to do some follow up on that path and as for the physical I’ve been added to a Whatsapp group with Joburg breakdancers that I hope will lead to some training sessions.

Through thinking about these various aspects of the life I’ve also had the opportunity to think in more general terms about a life worth living. To me it is a life of expression, freedom to break boundaries, to live by the rules that you create, to take advantage of every opportunity you've been given.

Importantly I would like each of the things I mentioned above to contribute toward building strong institutions. Once-off events or the start of projects are exciting and fun but they should be part of a larger idea that will provide benefits to society beyond the immediate. I still have a lot to read, learn and think about how this cross-over works.

I would also like all these things to contribute towards building a diverse and interesting life full of new adventures and learning. A portfolio career.

What to do with AwethuArt?

In August last year was the first AwethuArt event. It was a film screening of The Hajji followed by a Q&A with the cast and crew that was facilitated by an old university friend who is now a director and her partner in crime. The event was a "success" in that we had a bunch of people show up, far more than I expected, the tickets covered the cost of the mics I bought for the night, the venue made some money and the cast and crew had their dinner paid for. I don't know if that was the intention behind the event though. Now that I have some time I've been reflecting on what AwethuArt was supposed to be, has it been that and what to do with it now.

AwethuArt was actually proposed as a name change for South African Artists Against Apartheid, an artistic collective campaigning for the cultural boycott of Israel, while supporting local artists, political art broadly, Palestinian artists and creating spaces to talk politics without being boring. The name change came partly because having the email address aslam.bulbulia@southafricanartistsagainstapartheid.com felt ridiculous and also because, when people saw the name alone, people thought we were being ironic protesting apartheid after 1994 and us having to explain the link to the current apartheid state of Israel. Long story short the name change never happened and the group kind of died out but the memories I had of the SAAAA events, particularly the Wednesday Sessions, I had were vivid and strong. I felt that space where anyone could show up and experience something new, meet some new people and think about different art in a new way was essential and exciting. I wanted to recreate spaces like that.

Following the film screening we have organised a poetry night, a couple of bloggers' evenings and a graffiti day. I'm not so sure if these events have managed to capture the feel of the Wednesday Sessions nor do I think they've quite been what I initially intended for them. This is not to say that they haven't been good or produced worthwhile outcomes but some reflections and redirections are necessary at this point.

They say it's good to start with an identification of the problem you're trying to solve and perhaps I've been scattered in this. I've been trying to make art more accessible, develop a network of artists in the city, develop young artists, create engaging spaces, counter dominant artistic narratives and get young Muslims involved in self-expression while not creating exclusively Muslim spaces for this. I think all of these things are still things that I think are worth doing and if anything I would add to it that the need for a long-term repository of our stories and that the type of art being produced needs to reflect ideas that are important to me.

Ideas I would like art to explore more include: 

- decolonisation, which is trending right now but a term I think I was looking for in Muslim thought for so long and finally found. 

- anti-consumerism, I find the art of today which could be really powerful tanks to social media is so closely linked to brands that its objective seems little more than to fuel consumption.

- pluralism, being able to express your reality freely for others to engage with who you are and fully engaging in the next person with both people being able to walk away from the experience enriched, changed but not threatened.

- anti-individualism, the relationship between art and ego is something I want to unpack further but the individualism and egoism that stems from its current modes of celebration are something I feel is spiritually unhealthy.

I have just begun organising a storytelling evening to take place in Fordsburg/Mayfair. My hope is that the coming together of all the diverse people that live in my favourite suburb to openly and honestly share their stories may be a way to reduce some of the othering that occurs there on a daily basis. I'm quite looking forward to hearing the richness of that place and continuing to reflect on AwethuArt as it happens.

The Post-Research Life

The words, "finish research" have been in my head whenever I thought of my to-do's for the last 5 years. And now it is finally done.

Since finishing I've spent time celebrating this momentous achievement (for me at least) with my family. I've also started swimming again to get the old blood flowing again and thinking a lot about what comes next. The last is a luxury I am savouring with all my being.

One of the things I really want to do is write. Through writing I think I'll be able to plan and process all the thoughts and ideas that have been desperate to get out for so long. I have a few posts that I plan to write over the coming weeks. One of them is called "What to do when you want to do everything?" (you'll see why by the end of this post). I'm hoping that through writing I'll be able to process and order the longer-term visions I have and unpack some of their contradictions.

I wanted to list some of the other things I've been thinking about to keep track of them and make room in my head for new thoughts. They include:

• further study - economics, math, public administration, muslims in Joburg, islam and hip-hop, islam and city planning and traditional islamic studies all seem to be vying for the top spots
• AwethuArt website
• past AwethuArt event write-ups
• AwethuArt events - storytelling session in Fordsburg, another poetry evening, bloggers' event, film screening, graffiti day and something musical perhaps
• reconnecting with friends and the city
• blog about the difficulties experienced while researching and the things I learnt about myself and academia by pushing (and being pushed) to finish
• blog about the findings of my research in a way that's more accessible than a 150-page document
• organise regular dhikr evenings through which I can hopefully learn the Gadat
• make some shirts
• teach English again - either through Wits Language School or set up something for migrants in Yeoville/Mayfair
• start to breakdance again or build the strength and flexibility I need for that
• hip-hop appreciation get togethers
• group discussions on masculinity - possibly with the Amadoda group

AwethuArt is on my thoughts quite a lot and the future of it is something that really excites me. I want to meet people and discuss the future of AwethuArt. I learn best by sharing thoughts and hearing the thoughts of others. If you have thoughts on the project and would like to grab a coffee and chat about please do let me know, the coffee will be on me.

I think I want to learn a little bit about graphic design and websites. The AwethuArt website might be my practice project for this but I may just decide that this needs to be outsourced. Likewise with recording and editing video from AwethuArt events.

All-in-all I'm quite excited for the post-research life. And if you're reading this I'm glad you're part of the journey.

More reflecting, more writing

"Reflect deeply, write down and reflect again, eat, write and reflect again about your experiences to date."

I am blessed to have a number of men and women who I know, who know me and I can look up to and turn to for advice. This piece of advice was given to me by my cousin when I turned to him asking what I should do from September-December 2014 as the research partnership I thought I'd be doing didn't seem to be working out as planned.
My experience to that date had been incredible. I was reflecting on my time spent in Sharjah and my life experiences as a whole. I thought it strange that all the experiences hadn't pointed me in a specific direction and that I found myself in Toronto with 4 months free and that's probably why I needed to reflect on all of them to see if there's something missed.

Turns out that that was all part of Allah's plan. Through the events that unfolded in Toronto I met someone super cool, came back home, got married, finished my masters and am in a fellowship where I spend my days with super interesting people discussing super interesting things.

I find it amusing though that about about a year and a half later and I'm in a similar position of trying to think about what I should be doing with my life and so I've decided to take the advice to heart and reflect deeply and write it all down...and eat more.

I'm looking forward to sharing reflections here, on the fellowship, on a little project called AwethuArt, on my masters research and more. Maybe I'll even write about eating.

In defense of us poor, unmarried, pitiful, souls...

 NOT!

“So when are you getting married???”…

  

Me:

Asking someone when they’re getting married, is as efficient as asking a cancer patient when he/she will be cured, or a couple struggling to conceive, when they’re going to have a baby. Or an old person, when they’re going to die. It just becomes rude. Just chill on this question! I would really like us a progressive people to start becoming aware of this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one (CAN I GET AN AMEN). It’s also actually quite a disappointing question! I have other things on my mind and in my heart too that are all simultaneously processing, engaging, informing and all happening right now (while you ask me that dumb-ass question) – other than the pursuit of a man. And not allowing me to express that because of a limited conversation repertoire of your expectancy of my life, is super disappointing. ATTENTION: There is more to being a young, female, human being!

I think people are very much unaware of how a question like that can make someone feel. You could have just come out of a terrible break-up, or just met someone that you feel hopeful about, or you may have just been disappointed by someone, or you may even be a freaking lesbian. I mean this is the journey of life – shit is real out here. By asking when a person is getting married, not only shows a very limited consideration for where the person is in life, how they really feel or what they are going through, but it can also be downright hurtful.I feel that some people just purposefully ask to be demeaning. As if you have lost at something. As if you are walking around with a big, gaping whole in your chest. Now, I definitely understand that some people ask out of love and concern, but I can only speak from my experience and as someone who gets asked this question A LOT, it mostly doesn't feel very loving. It makes me feel like I should be ashamed of myself. And obviously is not encompassing or understanding of me as an individual at all.

The thing that really gets to me though, is this idea that being past the age of 23ish, automatically means it’s time to get married. Since when are we cattle who all need to be led into the same barn? To me, being your own person on your own individual journey is such a fundamental and elementary truth of life that it really baffles me when people overlook it so easily. Sure, maybe this notion of being an “individual” who is “different”,  “unique” and “ free” may come from this modern, new age we live in, and definitely has its positive and negative attributes, but it is still my truth and my reality. And it’s important in defining me, as I'm sure it is to many people.

        

So, why am I not married?                                                                                                                                  

1)  I do not feel incomplete:

    Well, firstly and obviously I have not met my spiritual, rock star, super cool dude yet. Or whoever he may be! I’m open!  (But please let him be handsome, Universe! Not kidding.)

But, I’m sorry, this does not mean I am incomplete in any way. Nor are you. I firmly believe in creating yourself, that how you feel, what you believe and what your life is made of is completely in your own hands – you are in control of it. Thus, you can feel inadequate about not fitting into societal and cultural norms, or you can celebrate and appreciate being where you are in life. You can see abundance or you can see what’s lacking. You can feel alone or you can feel how loved you are.  Make yourself! (Incubus: Make Yourself: October 1999).

2) I am dreaming my own dreams:

Secondly, to add to the answer of my favorite question everrrr (sarcasm!), I would also need to explain that my personal belief system and hierarchy of goals are not typical. In saying that, marriage is not something I aspire to - it’s not on my list of dreams I want to make come true nor is it a goal I have set for myself to accomplish. I don’t think in that way. The way I think, is that I will get married based on the PERSON I want to marry and not on anything else. I don’t buy into this princess fairytale, where the prince saves the damsel in distress, because I've saved myself before and I know I will do it again and again. 

I was very perturbed when someone literally said to me, that, when I am married, I will be the happiest I have ever been. Now, of course I hope this is true and I am happy for those who experience this, but I also hope reaching my own, different goals and making my own, personal dreams come true (that have nothing to do with marriage) will also make me the happiest I've ever been. It has a pretty good track record so far, and something tells me that it probably always will.

3) I do not need to be fulfilled by another (right now or maybe ever):

Thirdly, guys, the real truth and the real gravity of this is that if you can’t be happy by yourself, don’t expect someone else to fulfill that need. There is such value in being alone!!!! It is so important! I really want to shout it out to all young women, from the moon!!! And I say this because I know its value!!! I have not experienced a greater gift than the independence and power I have given to myself, by getting to know myself, being honest with myself, deciding for myself, defining myself, thinking for myself, rescuing myself, believing in myself. All the while, with people telling me how I should be. I say F that. You will always grow in life no doubt, but being alone and “consciously uncoupled” (I think it’s a real thing!) - I don’t know if you will ever get such a potent opportunity or circumstance within which to discover yourself and your strength – a wisdom and gift that no one can give you and no one can take away from you.

Of course, there is a time and place for everything in life. I mean no disrespect at all to those who are married or those who aspire to be married. RESPECT! I know that shit’s not easy, I know you’re on your hustle and I know many of you are not only succeeding, but thriving at it. I don't know what it’s like to be married - I can only speak from my own lessons and experiences thus far. At the center of it all, we must realize that we are all on our own journeys and paths. And that is why I speak to those who are in the same place as me – believing in love, patient, open, not feeling the pressure, but also annoyed at the expectations that OTHERS have for YOUR life. Being married shouldn't be the happiest you've ever been when life and all its wonders are in front of you right now!  There’s so many more levels to this, so many more heights of progress, development, growth, change and positivity to reach. Buddhist monk swag. Screw this “He completes me” nonsense, for real – I am not about that life. Complete your damn self, please!

To conclude this semi-rant/semi-self help/semi-single guru vibe, not all of us women dream of a castle to dwell in and a Prince Charming to save us. Some of us are designed to be law breakers, travelers, culture definers, rebels, visionaries - whatever we want to be. This is not about the rejection of being loved – it’s about the rejection of institutionalized, controlled ideas of these beautiful things and the implementation of it in our lives.  It’s a testimony to an ambition that may never be small enough for some, but will never be big enough for me. I hope to get married based on the amazing human that I will get to spend life with but before that, during and after that person, the hopes and dreams I have for myself still are still alive and still compel me to chase them.

I read somewhere that the difference between fate and destiny is this: fate is life defined by conditions and fear, and destiny is a calling and is something you create. I hope that you and I have the courage to live by destiny…that we will find love, share love, be love and get married for reasons we choose and at a time we choose. Especially because life is still going to go on whether we are married or not.

I’m a 26 year old, unmarried female who loves and is grateful for her life. Can you handle that? Single, married or divorced - you're the boss of you so just be happy and free and live your life honestly, OK? Deal? You are still a force on your own!!!

Peace and love,

Nx

Also, this made me LOL: