On Love and Reason

A Journey of Understanding Love

I began thinking about love years ago when I heard the term come up in talks at mosques. Love is something we normally start thinking about thanks to television and movies, or maybe within families but my first serious engagement around it was through a spiritual lens. I would often hear that having love for your Creator and love for the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) were amongst the highest aims for a Muslim to strive towards. In this way love is a spiritual exercise.

I found it strange however that both love and spirituality are two concepts that rarely received the discussion space needed for me to come to understand them. Both terms relate to a fundamentally subjective experience. The subjectivity tends to take it away from the limited realm of topics that are discussed. We'll talk easily about those quantifiable and measurable sciences like physics, physiology and the like because they are in the shared objective world around us. Less easily we speak about common abstract topics like politics and economics. However, only with great hesitance do we engage in subjective experiences that are perhaps the most meaningful and universal, like love and spirituality. 

The first problem is that there is an insufficient vocabulary to speak about these topics. Because they are so closely tied to our emotions we often conclude that they cannot be, or aren't meant to be understood and instead they are to just be accepted. This is not to say that they are not expressed at all, in fact the expression of love and spirituality is most sought after, but the expression tends to take the form of poetry and not prose. Through poetry a glimpse of what is felt can be expressed although I find most poetry to be largely insufficient in giving me an understanding of the concepts. I think in prose, I need prose.

The vagueness of understanding love has consequences. Expressions like "they love you they just have trouble showing it" are common and reflect the differences in what one expresses and the other perceives. I believe a common language or framework of understanding love is essential to allow the emotion to be translated to the rational. Even if the framework of understanding exists only within your mind. It may still be inconclusive and never "truly" capture what is felt; but certain people are rationalists and they need rational explanations of concepts to develop a framework of understanding.

What is this "Love"?
Instances in which love arises: from the personal "love yourself" to "love thy neighbour"; a parent's love for their child and the reciprocal; the most spoken about love between partners; and spiritual love. Each of these is different, we have an intuitive grasp of this but are we able to go beyond the intuition and describe these differences? More importantly, is a description of these differences useful in terms of negotiating and managing that specific relationship? 

Preceding a reflection on the conditions of love what may be useful is a general understanding of relationships. Relationships will always take place between two individuals, that seems to be obvious enough, except of course unless we're talking about a relationship with your self...which I will argue is the necessary starting point but that needs to be put on hold for now.

How to relationship:

1. Know who you are.

2. Know what you need from another human.

3. Find another human.

4. Try your absolute best to know the other human.

5. Decide if that human can give you what you need and what you can provide in return.

6. Establish rituals with the other human that define your relationship and allow needs to be fulfilled.

7. Recognize that humans change. (This is very important)

8. When you or the other human change decide how the change affects the relationship.  

NB: 

on points 1 and 4, knowing yourself and knowing another human is not easy. 

To know requires: 

a) care

b) to seek knowledge

on point 7, humans change all the time...it is important to constantly engage in conversations that allow you to gauge the nature and extent of the changes in order to adjust your expectations from the relationship accordingly.

Consider how the above applies to the relationship we have with ourselves, our parents, our Creator.

Care
Love requires care. It seems easier to describe why we care for someone rather than why we love them because in many ways care has a foundation in reason. We care for some human beings based on what they provide for us but this is based on our construction of a particular worldview, a specific creation of meaning. To say that we care for the company of person A over person B is to say that we find stimulation more appealing from one rather than another based on our definitions of what is valuable, what is meaningful, what is stimulating - a reasoned claim despite its roots in our various unique life experiences. The perception of care thus differs from the carer to the one being cared for.

Because there's a human need to socially interact. There's societal norm that dictates actions that can be misread as caring. I need to know why someone cares. How they show they care to ensure I'm not misreading etiquette or being a polite human for care. 

Understanding/knowing as a prerequisite for love: 
Some parents that claim to love their kids without knowing them, without having the type of conversations with them necessary for them to get to know their children and this is problematic, it leaves scars. Likewise many ritualistic actions are performed "for God" but without knowledge of God are these acts really meaningful for Him or is it like the child who gets all his material needs fulfilled without any emotional needs recognized?

Can we know another person? Can we know ourselves? We are dynamic so understanding requires constant dialogue aimed at knowing the other and the self. It might be best to understand knowing another person and knowing yourself as a metaphorical "peeling off of layers". Unfortunately none of us can see all of ourselves at any one time and simultaneously need to see all of yourself to truly know yourself. Furthermore, in any relationship the other will only be able to see a part of you at any one time and that instantaneous snapshot of you can only be an aspect of who you are, one that may be perceived differently by you and by the other. "Peeling off layers" is a mindset of acknowledging that I will never fully know another. That there will always be something more to know which has the advantage of making the other a fascinating subject of enquiry that never ceases to provide more beauty, grace, complexity but the disadvantage is that you have to accept that you will never, ever truly know another. Whatever idea we have of another could change at any moment as another layer is peeled away and complexities of character are revealed.

Change:

What happens when change happens within a person and when change happens in our perception of a person? Do we forsake the relationship or rather just adjust its nature? There must be a criteria for this based on a knowledge of why you are in the relationship, what are the essential elements of the person are beyond which the amount of change means they're no longer the person we entered into the relationship with.

Concluding thoughts:
This post is probably not the coherent and articulate piece it was intended to be. It was the result of many hours of grappling with these ideas, processes of internalization and difficult conversations. I hope there were some useful phrases and ideas that are helpful in developing these complex ideas within your mind.

I had written these lines without knowing exactly where to fit them in so thought I might as well drop them in at the end and you can decide.

- If you love it is your duty to understand, to listen, to care. If you don't do these things it reflects an element of laziness. If you don't do these things and still claim to love you're a liar. 

- To love is active, requires activity and thought and to assume otherwise causes pain. 

Islam and Comedy

Let’s get started:

I spent my formative years listening to Jumuah khutbahs in Mosques every Friday and listening to the latest comedic experiments at Cool Runnings on Sundays. This was my routine for a good number of years. This, some academic endeavours, the occasional book, formed my ideas about the world around me.

I’ve been doing comedy things for 3 years now but I’m still getting used to the “comedian” label. In that time I’ve spent much less time in comedic spaces than academic (more recently corporate) ones and this has successfully created some serious seriousness within me. I’ve also spent a significant amount of time in religious spaces – mosques, lectures, discussions, organisations – all with Islam as the focus. I’m currently trying to reconcile these currents into thoughts around what it means to be a Muslim comedian.

The serious stuff:

I begin, like a well-trained philosopher, with questions.

Why do comedy? Can comedy be for the pleasure of God? What purpose does it serve? Why do Muslim comedians come under criticism from their communities? Is there a way to position yourself to appease society, conscious and God Almighty? What are the concerns of non-Muslim comedians, the moral atheists, agnostics, Christians, Jews…?

I’ve been collecting the ideas necessary to provide answers to some of these over a few years and I hope that I can articulate them with some coherence. Some of the ideas fascinated me, some were dumb but on the whole I was left feeling more secure knowing that what I was about to do was worth doing - in case anyone asked, including myself.

(...and obviously more questions were encountered along the way...and that's when I knew the philosophy was working)

Comedy as art:

Comedy is a platform to tell stories. Stand-up comedy is now professionalised and commoditized (like everything in a well-functioning capitalist system) so that people who are good at it can make a living from it. It’s a competitive art of self-expression with instantaneous feedback from the crowd.

I refer to comedy as story-telling because a large component of it is self-expression. Through the comedy of someone like Chris Rock I have greater understanding of what it is to be an African American, an American, a man, a rich man,  a minority, a husband, a father, a voter and whatever other parts of his identity he wishes to express on stage. Riaad Moosa gives audiences insight into what it is like to be a doctor, a Muslim, an Indian, a South African. And the lists go on.

This is not just therapeutic for the one doing the expression but serves as social glue for people to be able to relate to one another. Strangers can use insights gained through comedy to have a snapshots into the lives of people they might encounter everyday but never get to know if they weren’t exposed to this “type” of person before, through comedy. In a culturally diverse, pluralistic society where we all just want to get along, comedy is one of the things making this a daily reality.

The Department of Community Development should be sponsoring the next comedy tour as part of its mandate to create social cohesion.

The responsibility of a comic:

I believe that comedy also has an instructive ability. By virtue of being a voice expressed in public and this is probably where I differ from some other comedians in my thinking. Think about voices in society by taking, for example, the racial lie – that a person is superior to another based on the pigment of his/her skin. Over years, on different platforms this lie was told over and over again. Initially some would have questioned it but those voices were drowned out and eventually the majority of people accepted it. There was then a counter-movement that slowly gained ground by people speaking against this idea until we reached the point that we’re at now where a majority of people recognise that race does not contain any superiority. This change in public opinion did not happen overnight and it was not caused by a single person – rather, it was the result of every voice that spoke on this issue to have a stance and the number of voices speaking against it to become dominant.

I think it’s easy enough to be a mirror for society and get some laughs out of that. But my true respect and admiration is reserved for those that are discerning in what they reflect. A comedian’s voice can reinforce a stereotype, it can make certain behaviours acceptable, it can be a voice for social change. This does not happen immediately but if a message is repeated often enough people begin to accept it as true. If one wants to change the mind-set of a people it then takes many voices and the public ones count the most.

There will always be negotiation in terms of how best to use this voice, whether it is necessary to win the audience over before offering something they may be uncomfortable with or whether this interpretation gives too much agency to the public platform and those are debates I will gladly engage in but perhaps in another post.

The Muslim side of things:

Islam is by no means a single concept in the minds of all people. There are differing understanding and interpretations. There are different experiences of it shaped by different contexts. On the whole I find most Muslims agree that there is only one God. Muhammed (peace be upon him) was a man that was sent revelation from God, following others who were sent the same. The instructions were sent to guide people towards living righteous lives, promoting justice and remembering that they are all accountable to God after death.

If someone claims the above to be true I will accept them as a Muslim.

Some Muslims, due to various historical events and ideologies and interpretations of Islam become very focused on what is permissible within Islam. There is also contention on who is permitted to declare something permissible. I think that much of this debate is counter-productive and would prefer to present my own experiences to allow people to decide things for themselves.

What was written above about comedy being a form of self-expression and instructive voice encourages me to perform comedy and do so for the pleasure of my Creator. The revelation also places other conditions on the type of comedy that I will do.

The following guidance was written by Ahmad El-Shaf’ei who studied Islamic Studies in English at Al-Azhar University on the topic of A Sense of Humour in Islam.

1) Don’t insult anyone by your jokes.

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) says what means: “O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one’s] faith. And whoever does not repent – then it is those who are the wrongdoers.” (Al-Hujurat 49, Verse 11) This verse reflects the importance of being mindful of what you say even whilst you have a banter and joke with others.

2) Don’t frighten anyone as a joke.

We’ve all played a trick on a friend or two at one point perhaps creeping up on them in the dark, however we should refrain from casting fear into peoples’ hearts. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “It is not lawful to any Muslim to frighten another Muslim.” (Ibn Hajar)

3) Don’t lie to make people laugh

Sometimes, in our attempts to humour others one can fall into the trap of shaytan by exaggerating or telling false tales however we should remember it is forbidden to lie in Islam. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed us to be truthful in making people laugh.

4) Don’t joke or laugh excessively

Unfortunately we are often culprit to this type of behaviour in a world which teaches us to ‘live in the moment’ however we can be so excessive in our laughter or joking that we lose sight of reality. I am not suggesting one should not have a laugh, but to avoid losing focus of the fact that this life is temporal and ultimate joy is in the Hereafter. Excessive laughter also hardens the heart and whilst it’s not forbidden to be happy, cheerful, or joyous and have a good time – remember your elation should be in moderation.

5) The best laugh is a big smile

Is a principle that can be derived from the Prophetic seerah. And as we have been taught in many ahadith that we should: ”Never disdain a good act even a small one, even if meeting a friend of yours with a smiling face” (Muslim) So next time your caught with a frowning face, embrace the sunnah and smile!

This piece was written for a general audience and while I agree with most of what was written there are some ideas that I find problematic and would like to give an opinion on. My critique is that the things said by the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) have to be understood in the time and context they were said and those same principles must be applied in today’s context. Very often a single Hadith is taken to justify something and I then come across a Hadith that implies something different leaving me critical of Islam when it is really the scholar’s scholarship that needed further scrutiny.

Take the following 2 Hadith that contradict what was said above:

“Once, an old woman came up to him and asked for paradise. He said, “Old women do not enter the paradise.” The woman started crying. As she started leaving the room, the Prophet, showing his subtle sense of humor, stopped her and said, “Old women will become young before entering the heaven.” (Tirmadhi)

It’s quite clear that being reduced to tears, the woman was offended by what the Prophet (pbuh) said. The lesson I take from this is that firstly the Prophet (pbuh) had a sense of humour and secondly that sometimes the line may be crossed but clarify the joke as soon as possible.

“One of his companions was Zahir, who used to trade in metal objects. Once the Prophet was passing by the bazaar, he saw Zahir and playfully grabbed him from behind and said, “Will anyone buy this slave?” Zahir laughed and said, “O Messenger of Allah, whoever buys this slave will be in loss.” The Prophet smiled and said, “In Allah’s eyes, your value is high.” 

It is clear that the Prophet (pbuh) lied in this case. Zahir was not a slave for sale but this is what the Prophet (pbuh) said he was. From this I think it’s clear that when the established social context is jovial and the people around you are aware of the joke being a joke then the lie creates no deceit and is then acceptable and while this might not be the case always it is defeinitely the case in most instances of stand-up comedy. The audience is party to an unwritten agreement in which they accept that certain things may be exaggerated, hypothetical or untrue but their acceptance of this means they’re not being deceived.

My understanding is intended as further guidance for myself in the comedy that I do, or would aim to do.

Current context:

The work done in South Africa by Muslim comedians is incredible. The older comedians like Joey Rasdien and Riaad Moosa have been successful in producing films, TV series, sketch shows, one man shows, international tours and more. They have dealt with criticism successfully enough for younger Muslim comics to not have to defend their choice to perform. I’m grateful for this and it also leaves me with a sense of responsibility to do this comedy thing properly. The stories of Muslims not told by us will certainly be told for us and that’s not something we can argue if we do not rise to the challenge.

In writing this I came across stories about Muslim comedians internationally. A comedian named Shazia Mirza was attacked while she was on stage for being a female Muslim comedian. I was shocked that this could ever happen. The fact that I’m a South African Muslim comedian means that I wouldn’t ever have to worry about something like that. Comedians performing in some of the Gulf States could easily be arrested for speaking against their political leaders, another thing I don’t have to worry about. However, with these freedoms and the work done by those before us comes the responsibility to take comedy to the next level, to be critical about the things we say and how we say them and to master the art of getting the laugh but not forgetting the message.

My conclusion:

1. Comedy is useful for society.

2. It is useful for Muslims to be involved in comedy.

3. The type of comedy done by Muslims has certain limits and restrictions.

This view finds common ground with Sufyan ibn `Uyaynah's position. Sufyan was an eighth-century Islamic religious scholar from Mecca. He was from the third generation of Islam referred to as the Tābi`u al-Tābiʻīn, "the followers of the followers" – those that met those, who met those, who met the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him). 

A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah, “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.”

He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”

[Sunnah: something done by the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) or something he was in favour of]

Further reading - 

Azhar Osman wrote a piece on Islamic Comedy in a publication called humor(ph) (I haven’t been able to get hold of it)

Surprisingly detailed wikipedia post on Islamic Humour: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_humour

Article on Shazia Mirza: http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2003/aug/21/comedy.edinburghfestival20034

Chapter in Tirmidhi on the Joking of Nabi Muhammed SAW: http://www.inter-islam.org/hadeeth/st35.htm

El-Shafa’ei’s post on “A Sense of Humour in Islam”: http://productivemuslim.com/sense-of-humour-in-islam/#ixzz2UUyJ4GBd